Sunday, 30 November 2014 9 weeks in

So according to the NHS I'm currently 10 weeks and 3 days.
According to me, I'm actually 9 weeks and 3 days. After all I have a 5 week cycle, but we have the scan on Monday which will confirm everything (hurrah!) and I no longer have to write these posts in secret!! ;)
Tell you what though, you'd think that as you got nearer the end of the first trimester things would alleviate but my lord this week has already been a killer! I. Am. Exhausted.
To the point where I started to think 'hmm..maybe this isn't all baby'. Maybe there's something brewing here.
I had not even a whiff of a relapse last time while I was pregnant so I would be a bit shocked if it does occur. After all, being preggers seems to help so many day to day symptoms. I suppose if it's gonna happen though, it'll happen. Of course last time was really a whole different ball game.
By this point while pregnant with Lib, I had just finished work with severance pay, so I could sit back,  be 'pregnant' and listen to my body. Though I'm in a position to get more rest than most when having their second child, I struggle to relax in the same way as before...understandably! So I think this awful fatigue/exhaustion is probably a combination of things.
However, if I wasn't pregnant, and felt like this I would automatically think 'relapse' and rest up for a couple of days in the hope that it subsides. Why am I incapable if making those decisions now that I'm pregnant? After all, in lots of ways it's more important that I do that now because I can guarantee that they will be reluctant to put me on steroids if I do gave a major relapse.
I have a weird, almost punishing, outlook whereby I think 'well..I asked for this. We didn't have to get pregnant', so why should I get extra help? I'm an idiot. And I know many people who read this will agree.
I will try harder to be a bit more.....kind to myself. I promise.

Talking of relapses though, I did a bit if MS research today (like to be do it occasionally, thought this time it was looking into relapses when pregnant) and when reading I read this:

"A relapse is defined by "the appearance of new symptoms, or the return of old symptoms, for a period of 24 hours or more – in the absence of a change in core body temperature or infection"

Now it's been 13 years since I was diagnosed and I have NEVER read (or never properly taken it on board, perhaps) that it is classed as a relapse if symptoms have been present for more than 24 hours. 
If that is the case then my lord, I think I have had a LOT more relapses than I first thought. I always think of them as blips. If I have a 'blip' I used to rest for a good few days and they subside/go away, so I always assumed it wasn't one. However, last time I was put on steroids my consultant did say you would get better without them it just speeds up the process. 

So all those times I thought 'no it can't be a relapse I can still use my legs (!)' it is likely it was, but just not a major one. In which case maybe I should have been alerting the hospital of these? I got the impression that if it wasn't bad enough for steroids then it wasn't a proper relapse. I tend to only give them a ring when my legs/speech etc stop working. So pretty late in the day!!
Is this a new development in the treatment/management of MS, I wonder?
Every relapse is damage being done, so maybe I'm not as stable as I first believed? I haven't had an MRI for about 6 years so really they have no idea what's going on in that brain of mine.

I have an appointment in a few weeks, so I think I'll have to bring all this up to hopefully put my mind at rest.