Tuesday, 6 November 2012

It's all gone a bit ZEN.

Nearly a month into my latest relapse*, and though I'm greatly improved, I'm not as perky as I would have hoped.

It's the flipping hands! I just can't trust them. Every time I pick something up I have to really concentrate and almost watch them to avoid dropping whatever I'm holding. Weirdly though I didn't realise how little strength I had in my left hand until I tried to squeeze a spongy ball (random, I know...and please...no puns).

So I looked into using the local MS Therapy Centre. I did enquire about 4 years ago out of curiosity, but I was talked out of it by my consultant, who was concerned that it was a big step, (seen as I was relatively symptom free at the time), thought it might worry me to see others who have much more extreme symptoms. I have to say, I think he was right. I wasn't ready for it. I would have been using the service because I could, rather than really needing to. 

However, it's now time to make use of the things available to me that might help me and make things easier. My hands in particular have brought it home to me that I have a degenerative condition, and that there's a chance that they might not go back to normal, and like my legs, I'll probably have good days and bad days. I'm not being pessimistic about it (honest), it's just that recently, I think I've finally just accepted my MS. 

This is the way it is. Chances are I will get worse over time. but there's not a lot I can do about it....and there's no point in getting stressed about what could have been. Or about how I used to have less symptoms. That time has been and gone....unless by some miracle a cure heads my way some time soon. 

I have MS which sucks. But it's the only life I've got so best make the most of it, eh?


* So the long post I wrote about my first pre-pregnancy relapse has been inexplicably deleted! You could blame the hands/my fat fingers/loss of concentration/pixies, but whatever the reason, it's gone so I will briefly summarise now:
- Had a humdinger of a relapse nearly a year after Lib was born.
- Affected my legs as usual (ended up purchasing a wheelchair!)