Bipolar at Christmastime

 

I'm sat writing this after my third night of not really sleeping. 

Photo courtesy of Alexandra Gorn - unsplash

I've had an awful cold, but the worst has happened - I'm having a manic episode at the same time!

My body needs rest and I'm exhausted, but my mind is CONSTANTLY whirring away making good sleep nigh on impossible. I've caught the odd hour here and there, but I'm getting really tired of this now. Then it dawned on me....it's because of the time of year!

I was the same last year on the run up to Christmas. My mind whirls with too much over stimulation, it goes haywire and I switch into manic mode. 

It is making things incredibly challenging. At this rate I'm going to be burnt out by Christmas, which is no good. I've tried meditation, reading, listening to calming music, warm baths, you name it, but nothing helps. I just can't switch my brain off. 

There's an immense amount of pressure that I think a lot of people heap on themselves this time of year. I just want to make it great for everyone but in doing so I'm in danger of missing it completely. I confess that sometimes I would self medicate with a glass a wine to help me get to sleep, but I've been off my food and definitely don't fancy drinking with this cold. In my experience, it only makes it worse. 

My last resort, of which I am putting into practice today, is getting some Night Nurse, and hoping that it keeps the aches, sniffles and insomnia at bay letting my fall into a deep and restful sleep. 

Bipolar is a challenge without a doubt, and in some ways, if I'm manic it helps this time of year because I have the energy and inclination to do everything. It's like I see it as a big project that needs completing and I kind of come into my own. I truly love Christmas. I love the choosing of presents, giving, cooking, eating...you name it, I love it! 

Hopefully this cold will be well and truly gone before then (we have 4 days left) and my mania will have subsided enough for me to catch up on some sleep! 

I think I'm going stir crazy as well though - maybe a walk today would help? I've been so lacking in exercise recently. Everything goes to pot when the kids are off school because I don't have the school run to get my exercise, and having this bad cold has meant I've been too fatigued to take the dog out. I'm sure it's all related and it makes my bipolar worse.

Anyway, we shall see. 

I'm sure things will straighten out, and we'll all have a great Christmas! And may I wish you all a wonderful holiday time!! See you on the flip side in 2023!

xx

Tales from a far off land

What a holiday!

It was everything we needed - fun, laid back, and adventurous. The kids had an amazing time going on a plane for the first time.......but how was it for me? It's no secret that I was anxious about travelling again but I am pleased to say that it was great. Don't get me wrong, I had a couple of days when I was really tired, but the actual getting there was fine. 

The benefits of airport assistance

I'm so so pleased I was sensible and organised airport assistance. When we got to Heathrow airport there was a bit of a queue for it, so me being me, I thought 'hmm...maybe I can do with out it'. But we waited and I'm so glad we did. I had underestimated how big airports are. Once we had checked our bags in, we were given a wheelchair in Heathrow, and Si pushed me around. It meant we were still independent, and could have lunch which was good. I didn't get a sunflower lanyard in the end, instead I kept my stick on show so people knew I was disabled. This helped a lot when I had to ditch the chair and had to get a shuttle bus to the plane, because it meant someone kindly gave me their seat so I didn't have to stand. 

Bigger than I remember

The airport and IcelandAir were fantastic, and I felt well supported. When we arrived in Keflavik, there was a wheelchair waiting for me to take us to baggage reclaim, and again I realised how I would have struggled without the wheelchair. It was a long walk, and I'd forgotten how much standing around there is at baggage reclaim, and with no seats around it would have been tough. 

The airport assistance going back was great too. We didn't have to wait long for assistance, and we whizzed through security, which again is a lot of queueing I didn't have to do. We also got priority boarding onto the plane. 

So after all that worry, the elements I were most anxious about turned out to be a breeze.  

For the first time I don't feel scared of being out of my comfort zone. The kids were absolutely fantastic too! Not that I expected them to be otherwise, but now that they are older they knew the importance of us all sticking together. They loved the flight, but after the initial fun of taking off, realised that it was actually quite dull sitting on a plane. 

Once we got there though, we had a great time. The Airbnb was lovely (though we did have a few mishaps. Namely the shower being blocked and flooding everywhere on the first day, and Si getting locked in the bin store on the last day!) and was very central in Reykjavik. Just 5 minutes down the road from Chris and Bara's place which was really handy. Reykjavik centre itself is great, and everything we needed was within walking distance. 

Whale watching

One highlight was the whale watching excursion for sure. The kids, especially Ed, were overjoyed to be there, and it was a beautiful day. We saw humpback whales, and though I didn't get a great photo, it was a fantastic experience. It did tire me out though and I spent the next day in bed. I was so excited to be watching for the whales, I stood for a lot longer than I should have done, and paid the price. I wasn't too sad to be missing out on things though, because I knew it was for my own good. And the rest helped immensely. 

Lib whale watching

Humpback whale

Ed getting excited

I still managed a lot though, so all in all it was a great trip for me. We also saw the geysers, Gulfoss (or the Golden Falls) and Thingvellir National Park which was gorgeous. So I managed a great amount. :)

We also swam in the local pool, with different pools and hot 'pots' or hot tubs. There was also a steam room which I sat in for a bit then instantly regretted it. Tingles ahoy! I felt very tired the next morning, as relaxing as it was for me. The kids, of course, were in their element - they love a swim! 

I'd like to say a big thank you to Chris and Bara too, for helping us get around, and being so supportive during our week. It wouldn't have been the same relaxing experience without them!

New horizons

The thing I've learnt about the experience, is that with the right help and things in place, I should have the confidence to give anything a try.  Travelling with MS and bipolar is a challenge, but not one that can't be overcome. It's given me the confidence to do it again, and maybe even go somewhere warm (!).  The kids would be perfectly happy if all they could have done was swim every day so again, if I have things in place (namely air con!), there's no reason why I can't enjoy a warmish holiday somewhere. The kids would adore it!

Something to think about for the future, for sure. 

At Gulfoss

Bipolar and MS - 6 years on

6 years ago, I had hit rock bottom. 

It was a year after giving birth to Ed, and I just couldn't cope anymore. To say I had a nervous breakdown is putting it mildly. I was visibly twitching, flitting between being completely depressed to being highly manic in the space of what seemed like minutes, and was on the verge of suicide. 

My family rallied around me, and the crisis team were called, referring me to a psychiatrist for an emergency appointment. 

I went from being in a state of extreme despair, to thinking there wasn't a problem, all the while constantly moving and twitching my hands. It was a confusing and scary time. I felt like I had no control over myself. The crisis team were amazing, and referred me to a psychiatrist for an emergency appointment. 

I remember sitting in his room, trying to control my twitching, and the mentioning of Bipolar Disorder. He asked if I had thought that that's what could be wrong with me...and suddenly it all clicked into place. 

I knew a little about bipolar disorder, as my aunt had been diagnosed, and when he explained the ups and downs, the depressed and manic periods that occur with bipolar it made a lot of sense. So much so, that it was picked up that I had been suffering for a long time, but had no diagnosis.

I had suffered from depression since first being diagnosed with MS 20 years ago, and would have manic periods of not being able to sit still, periods of obsession, etc, but in those instances I always just thought that was 'normal'. After all, when you're manic you just feel incredibly happy. 

Photo by micheile .com on Unsplash

But what is Bipolar Disorder?

Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another. It used to be known a manic depression.

How it affects me

Like the description says, I swing from one extreme to another. In the beginning I would go from extremely depressed to as high as a kite, really quickly. 

In my depressive state I am sad, feel lonely, feel a sense of dread and fear, have headaches, muscle aches, fatigue, and just can't function. I just want to sleep, which is hard when you have children. 

When I flip to a manic period I feel happy, excited, am ultra creative, become obsessed with small things and details no one would be bothered by, feel energetic (to the point where I struggle to sleep), have a lack of appetite, talk quickly and laugh...well....manically. 😂 

When I was first diagnosed, I would literally flit between the two within the hour, even within minutes, which was soooo exhausting. When I was manic I was convinced there was nothing wrong, and it was a big fuss over nothing. When depressed, I just wanted to die. 

I am so grateful that my family and crisis team could see it for what it was and referred me straight away. I was put on a medication called Aripriprazole, which stops the ultra highs (I still get manic, but not to the same extreme) and I was already on Citalopram to help the lows and my anxiety. 

Luckily the mediation did the trick and it calmed the situation down. I now feel stable when it comes to my bipolar, and yes, I still get highs and lows, they are a lot less disruptive than they used to me. 

Reflecting at 6 years on

It was World Bipolar Day on the 30th March, and it made me reflect on how far I've come over the last 6 years. 

When I was first diagnosed I was discharged from the psychiatrist after about 9 months, which was good, as the drugs did their thing. Sure they've been tweaked since then, but overall I've been happy with my medication. 

Bipolar is a tricky disorder to manage anyway, but throwing MS into the mix? That's upping the level! The hardest thing for me with having bipolar and MS, is that sometimes my mind forgets that I have physical limitations. I'll be manic and feeling on top of the world, unable to sit still and becoming so focused on things, I can't see the wood for the trees and feel my fatigue creeping in. I push myself too far and inevitably burn myself out. My brain doesn't allow me to stop and think 'now you're getting tired, you should rest'. It just has to go gun-ho at everything. 

It's a huge challenge and one I still haven't mastered. It's easy for others to say 'just rest', but when your brain is going ten to the dozen, it's nearly impossible to. 

My bipolar will never go (they explained I'd be on my medication for life) but it's undoubtedly part of me now. I find myself looking forward to the highs (which are few and far between now....my last manic episode was about 4 months ago) because of the creativity it brings. It's so hard to feel creative when you are low. I am more aware of how dangerous manic periods can be though...and try to take it easy to reduce the chances of burn-out. 

Sugar and Bipolar Disorder

I had a very over-indulgent Christmas (didn't we all?!) and as a consequence I feel like cr*p. 

After my last post, about not setting any New Year resolutions, I felt a fraud for instantly reaching for a diet app to get myself back on track. I ditched it pretty quickly, but it did get me thinking about what the sticking point is with my diet. Where is the real problem? 

I mentioned last week about feeling like I need to address problems within, in order to make a change to my diet, and I think that is true. I am one of life's big comfort eaters, but I've never made the link between that and my bipolar. 

The cycle is such - 

I mean, let's be honest, I'm screwed!

How am I ever going to lose weight when my mood plays such a big part of my eating patterns? 

I've never twigged how much my bipolar impacts what I eat so I did a bit of research into bipolar and, in particular, sugar. 

"Carbohydrate intake prompts the production and release of important neurotransmittors, such as serotonin, which creates a feeling of calm and well-being and reduces depression...."

however

"....people who eat too much sugar may find their mood swinging wildly, according to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) — a terrible prospect for people with bipolar symptoms. They also face an inevitable "crash" following the intake of simple carbohydrates like sugar. Sugary foods burn hot and fast through the body, and their effects on brain chemistry and other bodily processes tend to be immediate, intense, and abrupt."

You can read the full article from Everyday Health here. 

But if sugar is bad for my bipolar, yet it's my go-to when I'm down, what can I do? 

Well, as the article suggests, to regulate mood you start by getting the right kind of carbs.

• Eat more complex carbohydrates such as fruit, vegetables and whole grains
• Eat more omega 3 fatty acids found in things such as salmon, flaxseed and walnuts
• Be sure to eat enough protein

So far, so sensible, but it hardly screams comfort food. I think the thing I need to concentrate on are foods to get me through a bad period. I know I should eat healthily, but it's very hard when you're feeling rock bottom. 

For me, I think I need to break it down. I know sugar is bad for me, and affects my bipolar and mood, and having a low mood means I comfort eat, and consume more sugar. Which in turn means my mood worsens. I give you - the vicious cycle. 

I need to break that cycle, and to me, the only logical thing to do is dramatically reduce my sugar intake. In turn, this cuts out my favourite snacks, which are undoubtedly making me put on weight. 

I've decided to try and eliminate refined sugar from my diet. This means I'll still allow myself a little honey and of course, fruit. I know that if I eliminated fruit as well, I wouldn't be able to stick to it. 

Now is the time to get creative though, which I love. I need to find sugar-free snacks that will satisfy a sugary craving. I turned to my best friend Pinterest for some ideas:

• This healthy, low sugar apple cake looks right up my street (I love anything with cinnamon in it) from Her Highness, Hungry Me.  
• I'm also going to try these sugar free chocolate brownies for a special treat from Taste Made.
• Vegan banana nut muffins from It Doesn't Taste Like Chicken

I don't want to rely on baked treats for snacks though (that's surely not good for the thighs!) so I've come up with an additional list. Women's Health have some great ideas.

• Roasted chickpeas
• Whole-wheat pretzels with dip
• Apples dipped in peanut/almond butter
• Dates
• Trail mix
• Banana on toast
• Yoghurt
• Mashed avocado with toast/stuff to dip
• Fruit
• Crudités with houmous
• and if all else fails, a raw fruit/protein bar such as a Nakd bar. 

I think that's enough to be keeping me sane.

I've decided there's one thing I won't be given up though......Heinz Tomato Ketchup (and before you say they do a low sugar version. I know. It's horrible. Ha!)

If you have any low sugar ideas, do post them below. I'd appreciate any help! :)

The Benefits of Counselling

Last month I made the huge decision to give counselling a go. 

It was such a big decision for me, because for many many years I've thought about doing it, but have been put off by my own hesitant self. I was worried about opening the flood gates and not being able to cope with it. 

I had so much stuff to unpack I thought it would just be too much. Too much emotion. 

If I changed as a person or my outlook changed, would it up-skittle things? I wasn't expecting miracles, but surely some personal growth would come from it? What if people did like the new confident me? (I say that with a slightly wry wink). 

I suppose that's the whole point though. You unpick this stuff in counselling in order to be able to deal with things properly, not change them. I'm hoping Mandy (my counsellor) can give me some tools to deal with the bad times. 

And so far, so good. 

Making peace with not working

Mandy is great. She'd understanding, helpful, friendly, and has for some reason having a stranger tell you things seems to make it sink in. 

When I was telling her about my constant quest to find some sort of job that fits with my MS and bipolar, she said 'You already have two jobs. One is to look after your family, which you are doing brilliantly, and the other and more important one, is to look after your health.' My Mum especially has said similar things to me in the past, but for some reason it sunk in with Mandy. The fact a stranger can look at my situation and go 'are you mad?!' felt like pressure had been taken off my shoulders. 

I had always felt this drive to work ever since I was young, but accepting that that's just not my path these days has been a big step. I've never considered the fact that just looking after my health is a job in itself. I need to stay flexible enough to be able to rest at the drop of a hat. Especially when I take into account that already have a job looking after my family. 

Mindfulness

Another thing I've taken from counselling so far, has been the importance of mindfulness. I confess, I don't do it as much as I should, but I find when I do meditate and do things mindfully, it really benefits me.

Firstly, it calms me down if I'm a bit manic, which is always a good thing. Especially when my mind and body hasn't linked up, and I'm doing too much when I'm actually exhausted. It allows my mind to switch off, which in turn switches my body off for some much needed rest. I can see it's going to be a real benefit over the Christmas period. 

I use the Headspace app, which is great. There are different voices to choose from, and they have all sorts of relaxing things on there, from music to mediation. You do have to pay (I think the standard price is £49 a year) but they are always having sales on - I think I paid £24 for the year which I don't think is a bad price. The aim is to do a little bit every day. Mandy said on average people should aim for about 45 minutes of mindfulness a day, but that doesn't need to be in one chunk of mediation.

Mindfulness can be practiced at any time of the day (whereas mediation is a bit more full on) because it's all about paying more attention to the present moment. 

How to be mindful

All you have to do is relax, take a deep breath, and really focus in on what is happening at that point in time. 

Say you're having a shower - close your eyes and listen to the water, feel the water on your body, imagining every droplet. Take note of your feelings. How does it feel? Be aware of your thoughts and feelings from moment to moment. Is your mind racing? Are you finding it hard to relax? Don't worry about what you are thinking, or if your mind is elsewhere - just be mindful of this. 

Before you know it, you've done 10 to 15 minutes, and then do this three times a day and you're all set! :)

Conclusion

So far counselling has been a great experience. Mandy is very mindful of my mood and whether I'm tired, and if I get emotion, we take things very slow. As far as I'm concerned this is going to be a long term process. 

I do find the therapy draining, and I'm glad that it's on Zoom at the moment and happy for that to continue. It's nice knowing I can be in a quiet personal comfy space, and when it's done still be in my own space without having to drive back. 

Sure it's expensive (each session is £40 - another reason why I put it off for so long!) but as far as I'm concerned so far it's been worth it. It's amazing how not having the money to spend on crap (which I would undoubtedly do) hasn't bothered me. 

So for now - all I can say is I'm looking forward to this journey. May ghosts be laid to rest, and positivity reign! 

The Overdue Revival of TinglyMum

Hello all!

It's been two years since I last posted something....shock horror!

Since then we've had a worldwide pandemic in the form of Coronavirus and well....hasn't it just been peachy! *rolls eyes*

What an utter s**t show of a year. We've gotten through it though as a family, battened down the hatches, got our heads down and coped with it. Trust me, we know how lucky we are. We're in good health and there's a lot to be said for that. 

This pandemic has made me consider life differently. 

For starters, my health, and the health of my family is the most important thing to me. I've always put the pressure on my self to work despite my health issues, and I'm not really sure why. Because of Si's work, I'm in the lucky position where I don't need to, so I should be ok with that. I think society and the pressure to be 'SuperMum' has done damage. After all, I have it stuck in my head that aside from being a good Mum, I also have to work. Well, enough of that I say! It's taken me a long while, but I've finally come to terms with the fact that my health (and mental health in particular) makes working EXTREMELY hard. 

During lockdown I convinced myself that I needed to work FOR my mental health. I was so scared I was going to become bored, sleep more, and therefore become depressed. I was desperate to give my days some major purpose. So I re-started my vegan cupcake business, called The Natural Cupcake Company to give me some focus once the kids had gone back to school (albeit briefly it turns out!). The business was a success though! I had a good product, the business was selling well, and I finally thought I knew what I wanted to do. 

However, things quickly turned a bit sour. 

I enjoyed it, no doubt, but I could tell it was starting to be a struggle. I started to get stressed and anxious if I got an order in that was last minute, and I HATED delivering around Bristol. I carried on though, and I got steadily busier. I had an extremely busy Christmas and Mother's Day, and then WHAM. That was it. My body had reached it's limit, and I was forced to my bed for a week with a pseudo relapse (a pseudo relapse, is one that mimics an actual relapse, but no damage is occurring in the brain - it's often brought on by stress). I knew it wasn't a full blown relapse because my symptoms, though bad, weren't getting steadily worse, so I phoned the hospital and we agreed to sit it out and see what happens. I'm back to normal now, but the 'relapse' has taken its toll. 

I temporarily closed the business while I was ill, and now I can't bring myself to go back to it. I get really bad anxiety when I have to bake now, which is such a shame. I used to love it. These shadows of bad things that happen still haunt me. And that's what I've come to realise...my mental health plays such a big part in whether or not I can work - not just my MS. I have to aim to keep things balanced, not just for me, but for my friends and family too. Everyone who helps me get through my little ol' life. 

So there you have it. I've tried being a cupcake mogul, and it didn't work out. I have anxiety, bipolar, and MS. Maybe I'm just not cut out for working...and that needs to be A-OK. It dawned on me that maybe the drive to be 'focused' on something, needs to just be reassessed. After all, maybe my 'focus' should be ME. There are things I can do to keep busy, to stop the boredom creeping in, and I think I've finally learnt that keeping as relaxed as possible benefits, not just me, but my whole family. 

Coming out of lockdown, after having both vaccines, I'm philosophical about what life means to me. And how health is the most important thing. I need to shake off this feeling that I need to please all people at all times, and concentrate on being the best I can be for myself and my family. Whether this means investing on getting fit, on eating well, doing yoga, meditation, taking time out to be sociable (something I'm really not very good at), reading a book.....or WRITING (the thing I love to do, but have neglected something chronic), it will all fall into place I'm sure.  

I'm just glad I've climbed out of another MS/anxiety hole again. I had a panic when I was ill this time that I was stepping into 'secondary progressive MS' territory and it scared the hell out of me. It was my 20 year MS 'anniversary' this April just gone, so in the back of my mind I keep thinking....surely it's gonna happen at some point, right? But then.....maybe not. Maybe I'll be lucky. Another good reason to invest in me, stay away from stress, and live well. 

And talking of living well....I became a vegan last year and it suits me. Don't get my wrong...I have the odd slip but overall I'm eating a much better diet and I'm basically on the Swank diet again. My biggest weakness is turning to processed food when I'm tired, but now I'm really going out of my way to avoid it where possible. I definitely notice a difference in symptoms when I eat 'badly' so I've just got to make sure I stick with it. I'm still amazed that after having MS for 20 years, not medical person has ever mentioned that having a good diet could help things. My consultant had never even heard of the Swank diet. But diet is so so important. I mean, it has to be right? It's the fuel we use. 

So despite all the panic and awfulness that's been going on in the world, I feel calm and reassured that as a long term MS sufferer, bipolar nutjob, anxiety whacko, I'm in a very good place right now and my future looks bright. And, my dear readers, I will endeavour to bring you more tales of life, love, motherhood and MS soon!

Me loving life. It was a hot day, and I still 

managed two dog walks....now THAT is progress!

Exciting news....then The Crash

So after Christmas I thought I was down.
Well, the crash that followed showed me that I wasn't really depressed at all, just a bit low.

But let me start at the beginning.
Before Christmas I was thinking a lot about what I really wanted to do when Ed started school. After all, I knew it wouldn't be good for my mental health to just stay at home with nothing to do. I need to try and stay occupied to distract me.
I did think a lot about copy writing, but I just couldn't bring myself to feel enthusiastic about it. Not a very good start for a possible career!

I thought long and hard and came to the conclusion that I needed to do something that helps people. I'd also love to work with pregnant women and families and they start their fantastic journey. So I finally settled on training to become a hypno birthing instructor! I did hypno birthing with both Lib and Ed and it was an amazing experience.

Now, starting a whole new career is a big thing to take on for me but I feel like I can do this. Following advice from my cousin (she does it too) I realised that it might actually work really well...especially doing one-on-one sessions. So I'm going to take the plunge!

However, I got ahead of myself. I was so excited at the new venture (even though my training won't be until the end of the year) that I went into a manic period. I could not stop thinking about it, and subsequently couldn't sleep.

So what happens after a manic period. Yep. The Crash. My mood dropped and I fell into a depression. It hasn't been a very nice week, but now that I'm feeling brighter I'm still enthusiastic about the training which is a really good sign. Often when I latch onto something when I'm manic then when I find it hard to maintain the interest when I'm back to normal, but I'm still raring to go. Just in a much more measured and relaxed way! I've just got to learn to take my time with things so my mood stays stable. Using mindfulness has helped once again - another reason why I want to teach it to people. :)

I have a feeling it's going to be an exciting year!

Nope I'm not pregnant!!

Getting over the New Year Blues

Generally speaking I don't tend to suffer from the blues after Christmas - not the 'rubbish!..everything is going back to normal' blues anyway. I actually like the taking down of the tree, and getting everything back to normal.

But this year I just can't seem to shake myself out of a funk. Christmas was fun, but I think it's so much build up, and I've been so tired that it's taken its toll. My health has undoubtedly been better, which is amazing, but last month I really struggled to pace myself in a bid to get everything ready for the big day. And that's just it isn't it....it's essentially one day. Once the presents were opened and the shine somewhat diminished, I was ready to try and get back to normality. What a humbug. In fact as soon as the tree came down we had a big clear out of old toys games, which felt great but was short lived.

I think the issue is that I struggle with things out of the ordinary. I struggle if I'm taken out of my usual routine, and Christmas in particular kicks up things that are an anxiety sufferers nightmare. You have to socialise for one, which on a good day can be tricky enough, but when tired it becomes so much harder. You have to physically do more (like shop) which is bad for the MS and fatigue (thank god for online shopping though!), and you get invited to things that you desperately want to do because it's festive and happy, but when you're tired, you just aren't feeling it. You have to cram things in to your ordinary busy schedule during the Christmas period, and that's never good for me because I tend to feel overloaded very quickly.

Moan moan moan moan moan.
No, of course it's a lovely time of year, it's just a challenge. And that's why the blues have been so bad because truth be told, I'm knackered. But how to help?
Well of course, first things first I need to catch up on rest rest rest. Now the kids have gone back to school that's my first priority. I slept all morning yesterday and it has helped a great deal. Having a few days a week to get some 'head space' has also been good. Just a few hours to get my head back into the swing of things. Plus, now that we're back into a bit of a routine my anxiety has calmed down again.

Things are looking up. This is a new year, and one full of a whole new set of adventures with the kids and achievements, however small they may be. I'm hoping to start some sort of freelance work (maybe in copy writing) when Ed starts school to keep my brain ticking over. It's going to be a shock to the system having both kids at school all day. First and foremost though, I need to make sure I take the time to look after myself in 2019. I'm sure I say that every year, but I do think I'm getting better at it.

Yep the blues will go, and good times will happen, I've just got to make sure I use my CBT techniques to keep on top of everything this year.

Happy New Year!