I had a tendency in the past to only write during the bad times, I guess because it was a good release for me, but as a few people have said to me now, I shouldn't neglect the good times.
This year has bounded by in a flash. I'm feeling the benefits of autumnal weather again (though it must be said that it's unseasonably warm today) and I'm slowing getting myself in shape. Physically and mentally.
Stage One - mental.
After a bad period of depression again, I was referred to the neuropsychology team at the hospital who after a consultation signed me up for group therapy. A course called 'Living with MS' and it's a combination of CBT and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). I go every Wednesday for 2 hours, and the whole course is for 10 weeks. I'm three weeks in and so far it's going great! It's hard work for me (I always leave feeling pretty drained...information overload) but it's really helped to share some of my feelings and experiences, and a marvel to have people actually understand fully what I'm going through. We're all helping each other through the negative thoughts and feelings we've had since our diagnosis, and learning different ways to cope with those feelings. The most valuable thing for me so far, has been meeting other people with MS. There's a real mix of us - some newly diagnosed, some not, some old, some young, male and female. Hopefully we can all use the course to our benefit, and to be honest it just feels nice to finally be getting some help with my mental health. For too long I've relied solely on medication, and like my psychologist says, that can only solve part of the problem. So fingers crossed, by Christmas I should be feeling brighter, and more in control of my depression and anxiety. As well as learning some valuable skills to cope in the bad periods. I will go into more detail on the course in the coming weeks.
Stage Two - physical.
Now, if you've read my blog before, then you know I've struggled with my weight over the years, and have tried various diets (nothing extreme, I have to say) over the years but still the weight has crept up. My downfall is that when I feel ill I comfort eat, and as you can imagine I feel ill a lot! The problem though is that when I'm comfort eating I'm normally not in the frame of mind, or physically able for that matter, to exercise. Hence the weight goes on. The fact is that if I could manage more exercise, then I'd probably feel mentally better and less likely to eat crap. Vicious circle.
Hey ho though. I've tried countless things, but nothing has helped, but I think I've finally cracked it. For now anyway. I've joined Slimming World. Now, yes, I agree that it seems silly to pay someone to tell you to eat healthily and cut out the crap, but for some reason, it really works. The diet is manageable, I'm eating much more fruit and veg which is great, and I don't feel like I'm missing out too many on things. You get so many 'syn' points a week to use on higher fat, sugary things, alcohol, you name it, it's got a syn value, so I can be good throughout the week and know that I can still have a much needed glass of wine, or two, at the weekend. It's doing something because I've lost 5.5 lbs so far in two weeks. It feels so great to finally be losing weight, and I feel better already. More importantly I've found a diet that works without having to do a load of exercise, which is obviously something I struggle with. I'm still managing to walk the dog at the mo, and I'm hoping to do more swimming, so in my mind that's just extra help, but not imperative to losing the weight.
So quite major, potentially life changing things. For once I feel like I'm taking control of things and it's a great feeling!
Aside from changing personal things, it feels that other things are starting to slot into place too. Ed's started pre-school so I have more free time during the week, and for once I'm not sewing. I think I mentioned the business I had (Bubbaloop) before, where I was sewing and selling (well...trying to sell) baby mobiles and other nursery items. Well, before the summer I admitted to myself that actually it was just putting a heap more pressure on me, and to be honest a sense of failure, which wasn't very nice. Every time I put a lot of time and work into something, then tried to sell it, then not sell it, it just felt like a kick in the teeth. It really didn't do much for my self-esteem, so I just thought 'why am I doing this?!'. I didn't see it as giving up, or me being a failure though. I felt I had turned a corner for finally accepting that I just needed to concentrate on myself and my health and wellbeing.
So it's all positive. It's all good. And I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls a bit writing this. It feels good to write. I should do it more often.
Ahhh....sunshine and happiness.
(Obviously not me. Though it's kind of making me wish I had long hair again.)
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