Confessions of a Caffeine Addict

Ok, so 'addict' might be a bit strong, but I have come the conclusion that I seriously rely on the stuff. 

I started to see a correlation between caffeine and my anxiety recently, and as a trial I went caffeine free for 3 days to see how it affected me. I can safely say, that going without caffeine affected me badly. I haven't felt so tired and ill for a long while....and that's saying something! However, having no caffeine did improve my anxiety a heap. I wasn't getting the nervous feeling I get in the morning after my initial cup of tea, and I felt more calm and regulated. The fatigue and tiredness was awful though. I just couldn't keep my eyes open! I felt low and defeated, and I was really struggling. I did think I could have had a virus or something, but I caved last night and had a cup of black tea, and I felt infinitely better. 

That brought home the fact that I was consuming a lot of caffeine during the day, just to get through. Sometimes I'd have three cups of coffee in a day, and the odd cup of tea, just to make it through the day. Weirdly it's never affected my sleeping that much (to be honest, I could sleep for England) but I've realised that I need to look at the bigger picture when trying to get my anxiety under wraps. Yes, the caffeine would get me through the day, but I was feeling anxious and unnerved. 

I've decided to still have caffeine but really pare down the amount I was having. Maybe a cup of tea in the morning, and an afternoon coffee to get me through to bedtime would be sufficient? 

It's so tough trying to juggle life, feeling well, and having energy when you have MS and mental health issues. On the one hand you want to keep going for your family, and consuming caffeine on a regular basis is one way to do this. However, you also have to think about your symptoms, particularly the anxiety, and actually I believe the caffeine was masking how exhausted I am. I've had a bit of rest this week but maybe I should be having more? But then that's hardly practical with two kids is it? 

I think it needs to be a balance. Experiment with caffeine to get me through the day, but be very aware of my symptoms when I'm consuming it and if so pare it down if need be. 

I tell you what though, I'm certainly not going to use it as a crutch anymore. I need to be more in tune with my body, and if I need to sleep during the day when the kids are at school, then so be it. That's what comes with being ill. Too often I try to mask things to carry on as 'normal' but can't help but think that that is not entirely healthy. Needless to say, I've learnt a big lesson this week.

Is caffeine really all it's cracked up to be?