Time on my hands...

Ah boredom.

Being a bipolar sufferer, time on my hands means one of two things.
1. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in a depressing fashion.
2. Doooooooooooooo stuffff in a manic fashion.

I need to create an in-between for myself. Desperately.

You see from April, Ed will be doing 4 days at preschool in readiness for starting school in September. This is a big step - for him and me!
I feel emotional with the thought of him starting school for lots of reasons. I feel so apprehensive though mainly because I'm scared of what I'm going to do. Am I just going to be bored?

I'm going to start my hypnobirthing course, sure (see previous post, and more posts to come), but talking of that....I'm scared shitless!
Repeat after me, Chloe - "I. must. do. it".

I know I can't put stuff off because of the what if's....and I know I have a lot to give, despite my MS, so I need to make sure I don't give up. It's hard though. I just can't cope with the thought of letting people down if I'm ill.
I then started worrying about what I'd be like if I ever had to come off Tysabri, which I know is really dumb. After all, I need to cross that bridge if I come to it. But if I ever come off, will I go back to not being able to work at all, and start to really struggle with things again?

Bad and not very helpful thoughts, Chloe.

The course isn't until October though, so any 'business' stuff isn't going to kick off until then, and though I'm going to be helping out with the PTA (hopefully), again this won't be until next school year. So that gives me a good couple of months of 'no-mans land' while I worry about how I'll cope with working again and periods of boredom. I bought a book called 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway' by Susan Jeffers. I'm hoping that'll provide me with a well needed kick up the bum to go for this hypnobirthing venture!

Before October though, what to do? I can't just sit here and worry. I need a project.
Luckily there's one thing that's coming up in the house that should keep me occupied. Swapping rooms around.
It's a big job (mainly because it involves moving a large sofa bed down from the attic room into Lib's new bedroom). It needs to be done though, as Libby will be 8 this year, and it's time she went into her own room. So there's the moving things (which, lets be honest, won't be done by me) and then decorating. Hurrah! I love a bit of decorating! That'll keep me busy for sure, at least for a short while.

Am I being stupid? Should I just be resting in my 'time off', and looking after myself?
I can see the plus side to that, but mentally, I know I'd find it really hard. Wouldn't everyone? I know what's good for my mental health, and keeping busy is it.

For now though, what can I say? The sun is shining, spring has sprung, and I guess I'm going to try and have it lead me onto a path of motivation.

Obi and my new book.