The Benefits of Counselling

Last month I made the huge decision to give counselling a go. 

It was such a big decision for me, because for many many years I've thought about doing it, but have been put off by my own hesitant self. I was worried about opening the flood gates and not being able to cope with it. 

I had so much stuff to unpack I thought it would just be too much. Too much emotion. 

If I changed as a person or my outlook changed, would it up-skittle things? I wasn't expecting miracles, but surely some personal growth would come from it? What if people did like the new confident me? (I say that with a slightly wry wink). 

I suppose that's the whole point though. You unpick this stuff in counselling in order to be able to deal with things properly, not change them. I'm hoping Mandy (my counsellor) can give me some tools to deal with the bad times. 

And so far, so good. 

Making peace with not working

Mandy is great. She'd understanding, helpful, friendly, and has for some reason having a stranger tell you things seems to make it sink in. 

When I was telling her about my constant quest to find some sort of job that fits with my MS and bipolar, she said 'You already have two jobs. One is to look after your family, which you are doing brilliantly, and the other and more important one, is to look after your health.' My Mum especially has said similar things to me in the past, but for some reason it sunk in with Mandy. The fact a stranger can look at my situation and go 'are you mad?!' felt like pressure had been taken off my shoulders. 

I had always felt this drive to work ever since I was young, but accepting that that's just not my path these days has been a big step. I've never considered the fact that just looking after my health is a job in itself. I need to stay flexible enough to be able to rest at the drop of a hat. Especially when I take into account that already have a job looking after my family. 

Mindfulness

Another thing I've taken from counselling so far, has been the importance of mindfulness. I confess, I don't do it as much as I should, but I find when I do meditate and do things mindfully, it really benefits me.

Firstly, it calms me down if I'm a bit manic, which is always a good thing. Especially when my mind and body hasn't linked up, and I'm doing too much when I'm actually exhausted. It allows my mind to switch off, which in turn switches my body off for some much needed rest. I can see it's going to be a real benefit over the Christmas period. 

I use the Headspace app, which is great. There are different voices to choose from, and they have all sorts of relaxing things on there, from music to mediation. You do have to pay (I think the standard price is £49 a year) but they are always having sales on - I think I paid £24 for the year which I don't think is a bad price. The aim is to do a little bit every day. Mandy said on average people should aim for about 45 minutes of mindfulness a day, but that doesn't need to be in one chunk of mediation.

Mindfulness can be practiced at any time of the day (whereas mediation is a bit more full on) because it's all about paying more attention to the present moment. 

How to be mindful

All you have to do is relax, take a deep breath, and really focus in on what is happening at that point in time. 

Say you're having a shower - close your eyes and listen to the water, feel the water on your body, imagining every droplet. Take note of your feelings. How does it feel? Be aware of your thoughts and feelings from moment to moment. Is your mind racing? Are you finding it hard to relax? Don't worry about what you are thinking, or if your mind is elsewhere - just be mindful of this. 

Before you know it, you've done 10 to 15 minutes, and then do this three times a day and you're all set! :)

Conclusion

So far counselling has been a great experience. Mandy is very mindful of my mood and whether I'm tired, and if I get emotion, we take things very slow. As far as I'm concerned this is going to be a long term process. 

I do find the therapy draining, and I'm glad that it's on Zoom at the moment and happy for that to continue. It's nice knowing I can be in a quiet personal comfy space, and when it's done still be in my own space without having to drive back. 

Sure it's expensive (each session is £40 - another reason why I put it off for so long!) but as far as I'm concerned so far it's been worth it. It's amazing how not having the money to spend on crap (which I would undoubtedly do) hasn't bothered me. 

So for now - all I can say is I'm looking forward to this journey. May ghosts be laid to rest, and positivity reign!