I'm sat writing this after my third night of not really sleeping.
I've had an awful cold, but the worst has happened - I'm having a manic episode at the same time!
My body needs rest and I'm exhausted, but my mind is CONSTANTLY whirring away making good sleep nigh on impossible. I've caught the odd hour here and there, but I'm getting really tired of this now. Then it dawned on me....it's because of the time of year!
I was the same last year on the run up to Christmas. My mind whirls with too much over stimulation, it goes haywire and I switch into manic mode.
It is making things incredibly challenging. At this rate I'm going to be burnt out by Christmas, which is no good. I've tried meditation, reading, listening to calming music, warm baths, you name it, but nothing helps. I just can't switch my brain off.
There's an immense amount of pressure that I think a lot of people heap on themselves this time of year. I just want to make it great for everyone but in doing so I'm in danger of missing it completely. I confess that sometimes I would self medicate with a glass a wine to help me get to sleep, but I've been off my food and definitely don't fancy drinking with this cold. In my experience, it only makes it worse.
My last resort, of which I am putting into practice today, is getting some Night Nurse, and hoping that it keeps the aches, sniffles and insomnia at bay letting my fall into a deep and restful sleep.
Bipolar is a challenge without a doubt, and in some ways, if I'm manic it helps this time of year because I have the energy and inclination to do everything. It's like I see it as a big project that needs completing and I kind of come into my own. I truly love Christmas. I love the choosing of presents, giving, cooking, eating...you name it, I love it!
Hopefully this cold will be well and truly gone before then (we have 4 days left) and my mania will have subsided enough for me to catch up on some sleep!
I think I'm going stir crazy as well though - maybe a walk today would help? I've been so lacking in exercise recently. Everything goes to pot when the kids are off school because I don't have the school run to get my exercise, and having this bad cold has meant I've been too fatigued to take the dog out. I'm sure it's all related and it makes my bipolar worse.
Anyway, we shall see.
I'm sure things will straighten out, and we'll all have a great Christmas! And may I wish you all a wonderful holiday time!! See you on the flip side in 2023!
xx
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