So something very exciting and scary in equal measure has happened.
We've booked a holiday.
To go away from England. On a plane.
Now I know what you're thinking.....hardly scary! But hear me out.
This is the first time I have been out of the country for nearly 10 years...the first time the kids have EVER been out of the UK. Holidays abroad have always scared me and I'm way out of my comfort zone. We're going to go to Iceland and I KNOW it's going to be great, and I don't need to be worrying but I can't help it.
In fact, I'm going to break down my worries now to prove to myself that I have nothing to worry about.
Worry number 1: Getting to the airport and navigating parking.
Solved: To aid my worries, and make life a whole lot easier (seen as there are 5 of us) we're going to get a taxi from door to door. This saves a lot of hassle, and as we fly in at 9pm on the way back, we don't have to worry about staying in a hotel, or driving back late at night. To be honest, I'm not sure all 5 of us and luggage will fit in our car anyway! It doesn't work out as too much more expensive and will put my mind at rest.
Worry number 2: Navigating the airport without getting too tired.
Solved: We're flying from Heathrow and I've decided I'm going to get airport assistance. When we went on honeymoon to Finland, 9 years or so ago, I got airport assistance and it was a revelation. I can't say I enjoyed it (there were a lot of stares) but it's a necessity. The last time I travelled without assistance (a few days spent in Geneva to see a gig) I ended up getting so tired, I missed the gig and it totally ruined things. So yeah, I know it needs to be done, but it makes me feel so.....disabled. I'm obviously going to take my foldaway stick with me in case I struggle but I'm going to get a sunflower lanyard to show I have a frequently invisible disability as well. You can purchase a sunflower lanyard for travel here, and they are recognised in an increasing number of airports (Heathrow and Gatwick included...as well as Keyflavik - the airport we are flying into at Iceland). It will put my mind at rest to know that I have a visible sign.
Worry number 3: Struggling while I'm in Iceland.
Solved: Now this is a tricky one, because it really depends on what is on the agenda etc. I know it's going to go against every fibre of my being, but I need to be sensible and rest at the accommodation if I need rest. Even if it means missing out on stuff. It will be sad if that happens, but you never know, I might be ok. I think I'm just going to have to put things in place to help. Take my folding stick with me everywhere so I have physical support if my legs gets weak. Try not to do too much walking in one day so space things out. The main reason we are going is to visit Si's Dad, Chris, and his wife Bara. It will be so nice to spend time with them in the beautiful Iceland which is what I need to remind myself. We're going to visit family, and as me and Si have been before back in the day, it's somewhere familiar. I really don't have to worry. Iceland is an incredible place, and Rekyavik is not too busy.
Worry number 4: My passport
Solved: This has actually just been solved already. My passport was due to run out in October, so I needed to arrange a fast-track renewal. To do this I needed to drive myself to Newport. Technically only 40 minutes away, I find driving to new places plays havoc with my anxiety. However, I did it! I was so stressed out about it (had I done the application right? Were my photos ok? Was I going to get sent home again for lacking a vital piece of paperwork?) but it was fine. I coped. It was kind of scary because there were strict security things in place once I got there, but the lady I saw was lovely, I had done everything correctly, and I'll get my passport within a week. Massive mental hurdle - solved.
I feel silly for worrying, but travelling when you have a disability is tricky. Just being away from the house and not being in my comfort zone is a big deal. I need to navigate a long journey when I can't guarantee I'll be well. That's stressful! I know I have my family to support me though, so I'm sure everything will be fine. I shouldn't say no to these things for the fear of how I might be. Life is for living!
Photo by Robert Lukeman on Unsplash
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